Much epected.

Every time He did a good thing, an quite happy I am, I always told myself " God, let this happen forever and not stopped, I hope this will become a habit that he didn't forget". But, the reality doesn't support what I said. Every day, He turned away from what I expected. I tried to wait as long as possible and closely as possible. I hope that someday, He'll be like what I expected, He was the first. I wanted to be someone who is not easy to care for those nearby. No metter with what you are about and calm. Every night, Every day, I even like silent and thoghtful. I want to be someone who is good, brave and cheerful in front of Him. I can fool many people including Him with what I feel in my heart. I can pretend to be cheerful, happy but not at all. I'm trying to not care about the person who now has a major influence on my life, Him. But every time I try to do it, my heart is sick and can't escape from crying. I loved and I care, but I'm also expecting the same from Him. I really can't say anything, can't express my feeling in detail. I'm just an ordinary person who takes reward from the people I care about. And also I miss him so much. Much more :')